death of a blog

(and so, for the first time in months and months of blogging, i get writers block...)

well.
so.
erm.

well, bloggy, it's been fun. we've spent a great few months together and ummmmmmm, yeah. see ya.

(except i won't see ya, will i? I'll never see you again in my life. sure I'll consider it, it'll sit like a weight at the back of my mind for a few months, but I'll intentionally block it out until it goes away.)

we've still got our memories, remember back in those days of that distant year of 2010, when together we frolicked in the moral issues of charlottes web, or read gothic short stories? Or when we ranted about how much we hated and loved David Eggers, because we thought that it was better to insult the whole book and author then to admit that we didn't understand?
we were so different. we were so much younger. we had so much time.

and now everything is ending and time slips through my fingers like the last grains of sand through an hourglass that's almost reached one minute. we've gotten more poetic, in a bit of a self-conscious way, haven't we? it's a bit silly. but we hold on to our flowery metaphors and similes like... like...
lets get back to our goodbye. there isn't much time left now.

it's okay to leave you behind. please don't grasp my hand. please don't cry.
you were always homework. just homework. nothing more then that. if you thought there was something else between us, you imagined it! it was all in your head!!!!!! i hated writing for you! i'd always leave it until the last minute! haven't you noticed that i've been ignoring you this past month?! can't you tell? even now, i'm writing this two days late, bloggy. two days late.
stop it...
just stop it. this year has been terrible, and you're just another part of it. maybe you weren't so bad, but still, in my faltering memory you'll get drowned out by everything else.

why do i feel like i'm killing you??? i've never asked anything from you, i've always tried my best, this has always been the only homework that i've actually tried on.
the only one...

i am sad to be leaving you. to be killing you. maybe you'll survive somehow but right now i'm abandoning you.
oh god. i don't want to abandon you. i feel like online, for you, you've known me at my best. you've known me in a way that only my best friends do. for you, my voice has never been quiet. maybe on facebook or another website it would have been different, but i knew that with you, you'd always be there for me and only me. other websites are impersonal. but as much as i know that only one or two people will read this post, i know that you'll always be there for me, and only me.
thank you for that. for you, i get to feel like a better person. your silence has always been comforting.
I'm sorry about what i said. i don't hate you, i don't hate you at all.

i love you.
goodbye.
thank you.